Am I destined to be an OLD MAID?!?!?!?

So I am one of those girls who has spent forever saying that I am not going to EVER get married. Nope not me. I am not even interested in dating. I don't have time for it I don't want it.

Yeah well that was my case until today.

A good friend of mine from childhood is getting married. And for the first time in the almost 5 years since I graduated high school I am actually invited to the wedding/Bridal Shower etc. for a friend.

Today was the bridal shower and I was sitting at a table with some of her other friends whom I have known for years now. And they are all married or getting married. And they are all talking about advice to give her for when she gets married and talking about their weddings and their married life. And then it hit me...

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick.  Tock. Tick. Tock. BUZZZZZ!


Yep there it was... me sitting in a house an old maid just me and my cats. Okay okay I get it. I am only 22 and I have so long ahead of me. BUT what if this pessimist attitude toward marriage and dating has completely hindered me undateable... or what it the ONE has passed me by and settle for second best because I was unattainable because I felt like I didn't want to get married?

So I know I still have time and I don't need to be in a hurry, but Boy oh boy does it feel awkward to be the unmarried one. And as for hanging out with those married friends... yeah that probably won't happen anymore.

Sure I am glad I got invited, its nice not to be the left out one again but now GEEZ I never knew that I was going to feel like this.. I mean serious emotional issues of the worst kind. I am setting there thinking that I am going to be along FOR-EV-ER (read in your best sandlot voice) and that used to not be a problem for me...

Miss Independent!

Yeah well this girl is thinking that she might just really want to have someone in her life. A wedding with a white dress, the cake, dancing, the parties. Yep that is just about it. And I want to have a partner someone who loves me and will hold me when I need that.

Sadly my relationships with men since my dad passed have been TERRIBLE! I need to find a healthy relationship. One with a man, who is a man. Not one who is stuck being a boy. Someone who can deal with my baggage even though I am putting it behind me. Someone who isn't bogged down with baggage. Like I said I am putting mine behind me I don't want to fix yours. Someone who understands the need for emotional love over physical love. Someone who understands that there needs to be a ring around my finger and those two words spoken before we ever make love. Someone who is in it for the long run.

So I guess what this has taught me is that I need to just be open to dating. I need to be okay with the idea of dating and understand that the marriage thing doesn't have to happen today but I don't have to end up alone either. If I am meant to get married it will happen in GOD's time!